Property advertised as Total Wreck for sale for £2 million. Agent wonders if you have the cojones!
This, as you’ve probably guessed, is not just any old wreck … nooo my friends, it’s a Kensington wreck – a better class of wreck, if you will, fine-boned, well-bred, probably public school educated, and just brimming with untapped potential.
(Not, in case you’ve missed the point, to be confused with a rickety, benefit scrounging, bog standard, boarded-up terrace oppp north.)
So brimming with potential is the place, that the agent can feel confident enough to market it by making its sorry condition a challenge to your very masculinity (property developers, of course, all being chaps).
Here’s the pitch: come on you big girl’s blouse, grow a set and write us a cheque for £2 million. Only in London are properties advertised like this:
Welcome to Wrecksville – this is the home of hope and the land of opportunity (well, Kensington). Are you a man or are you a mouse?
This house is so rare it’s almost an anachronism – a complete wreck in one of London’s great residential areas and everything to play for. As rare as hen’s teeth, a blank canvas, build your dream…
One could go on with the cliches, but in bald terms, here is an epic opportunity to buy a shell, create the perfect space and live somewhere that is actually made for you. It’s the sort of house where you can imagine retiring and pottering about in the village vibe that, amazingly, still exists in the quiet back streets of Kensington.